Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
