I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
