so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
