I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
