i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
farters have to be the big spoon...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
