i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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