He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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