Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
