I feel like I'm in dance class right now
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
