I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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