Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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