i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
