i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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