Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
