Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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