i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
