Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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