Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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