from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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