Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
