From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
