seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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