I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
