man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
