I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
