I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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