I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
