mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
