i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
