i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
