let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
