i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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