Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
