dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
