mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
