their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
