my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
