Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
