On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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