Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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