Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
