Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
