you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
