I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
