Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
