Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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