ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
