Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
