dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
