I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
