...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
