So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
