I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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