We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
