so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
