you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
