'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
