Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
